Warning: This is a vent.
It’s weird… One day you have a very best friend that you couldn’t imagine a day without and then the next you have a very distant friend whom you rarely talk to and only think of when you have a memory flash into you mind… Well if you are anything like me you stream through your “golden days” quite often so you end up thinking about that person far more then you maybe would like to (isn’t that a load of trouble?)… Not because you don’t love them anymore and always will but because it’s a bitter sweet subject; she’s off making new friends and sharing all these memories and you’re sitting here…. wondering when the next time you will talk is and if she’s even sad you came to town and didn’t see her even for a second. It’s interesting… the term “best friend,” people throw that shit around huh? I swear everyone has like five best friends and every time I try and use it I feel weird and un-genuine. Why though? I shouldn’t… it’s a very second grade way to feel, I know this but I feel it and that’s that really. Perhaps it’s because it takes SO much trust for me to let people in. I’m a guarded book… I am not open to the public and when I let you in YOU ARE SPECIAL.
So here are some open ended thoughts to my very best friend, my very best long lost friend. The girl I think of on the daily but haven’t heard from for at least two weeks (of which I called her so who knows how long it really would have been). I haven’t replaced you in my heart; I’ve grown close to others which I am so thankful for and I love them all the same but you are still my number one, you will always be my number one…. Even if I am not yours. I think of you all the time…. Everyday, at least once a day and not to mention I think of your family as well…. Not just those cute boys of yours, whom are so perfect, but your mom, your dad, your sisters and that handsome Mikey…. OH! and of course Mr. Kenny. I think of your troubles, like they were my own, I think of how to fix them, ways to make them better. I wonder if you are well, physically or mentally, if you are happy and making it or if you are mad and faking it. I think of you going out on Friday nights with all those other people… You know? The ones I don’t even like. Ugh those people… I think of your education and your future and money and effort… But most of all I think of you. Just you. You and me, singing and dancing to Beyonce in the car late at night. I think of all the times we listened to that silly Ashley song and I think of how happy it made me feel to know that you thought of me when that song played. I think of all the sober nights we had, or all the drunk ones you drove me around on and the dates we went on… Movies, ice cream, bullshit… The days I would call you and beg you to make time for me, the days I would call and pray you would be able to sneak away from the kids and just get some DP or hit the duck pond. I think of all the times we spent laughing at NOTHING and the times we cuddled at night because one of us was sad or hell, just cuddled to cuddle. I think about the weird ways we would talk to each other, making up our own languages or talking in funny accents. I think about that year of schooling that you didn’t complete and I was so mad at you because I was forced to make other friends. The times I have hurt you and made you feel betrayed. Or the times you did the same to me… But what mattered in the end was that we could count on each other no matter what.
Most of all… I think about how often I am mad at you… But how much I love you and miss you. I think about how perfect you are and aren’t and I think about how even though I have made other best friends to replace you (Ok let’s be honest… there is only one aside of by Benji because I am so picky about that shit)… You will never be replaced….
I guess I needed to vent? I guess I needed to really say the way I felt about this because I thought it would help move forward. Friends come and go but memories are forever. Best friends is a silly term… It makes me think of that hilarious scene in Brides Maids… Where she talks to the little girl about best friends lasting forever, so spot on. Kills me.
Counting The Stars 
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